Chicken problems
by snake screamer
Summary: Let just say that anyone wearing a chicken costume better not cross archer and co for a good long while.


"Well Mother, THAT was one of your worst money making schemes ever!" Archer huffed in annoyance as he and his companions moved down the street dripping in mud.

"How was I suppose to know he was lying!" Mallory snapped

"That he had on a chicken suit and talked in a shifty way didn't ring any warning signals?" Ray questioned

"I just thought he was eccentric!" Mallory snapped. "You can't deny we met a lot of eccentric people in our career."

"No, but when they state that they're ruler in exile from a place call Roostonia, that when I question the plan working at 100 percent." Ray snapped

"Word!" Pam stated. "You have to admit Ms. Archer, it was stupid and more importantly we got mud everywhere, AND I mean every-!

"I get it!" Mallory snapped. "But it not like you idiots came up with bright ideas!"

"What do you mean by that!" Archer said indignantly

"I hate to say it Archer, but your pretty close on the bad idea list!" Lana snapped

"What, name one!" Archer said annoyed

"The Chinese new year disaster!"

"So I use the firecrackers to try and get rid of Krieger dead monster! I wasn't going to throw away good firecrackers!" Archer said

"Deciding to go to that bar in philadelphia." Lana said

"How did I know those paddy pub guys would have worse ideas than us!" Archer said (Watch Always sunny In Philadelphia)

"Can we please just get back to the agency!" Ray snapped

"Why are we heading there anyway?" Pam questioned

"Krieger told me he had a shower install."

"Why does- on second thought i don't wanna know." Mallory said

"Ms. Archer," Cyril growled. "I know our agency is desperate for work but even you have to admit this plan of yours was..."

"Don't say it!" Archer warned.

"For the birds!" Cyril snapped.

"He said it," Archer moaned.

"Oh I see bird puns! Well, when you find jobs then you can lead this group of failure. But considering that it was my contact that got us paid in advance-"

"And probably wants his money back after tonight." Ray muttered

"... DAMN IT!" Mallory shouted

"You know I should have stayed at the agency like Cheryl and Krieger, but no you dragged me here cause you said you needed extra muscles."

"Yes and fat help you were." Mallory snapped

"THEY HAD FRIGGING MACHINE GUNS!" Pam snapped back

"Technically they were tommy guns." Archer said

"They might as well be the same thing!" Pam snapped "How was I suppose to stop those! be a frigging human shield!"

"Mallory for your own safety I suggest being quiet," Lana stated as she noticed Mallory getting angrier

"Plus you should be more angry with your contact since it led us to the chicken king." Archer said

"And possibly break his kneecaps since it was his suggestion we shouldn't bring our gun and were forced to hide in mud for the past hour till those a*** left," Ray said

"Fine we'll put that on the list of people whose kneecaps we need to break," Mallory grumbled.

"Right after the killer clowns that got us shot with bean bags," Archer said. "And Barry..."

"Does he even have kneecaps anymore?" Cyril asked.

"Well he can walk Cyril so yes, obviously!" Archer barked. "So yes Barry too. Although with him we are going to need more than a crowbar... I wonder if we can drop him into the ocean, like in the deepest part of it."

"Don't forget Flim Flam Freddy," Pam spoke up.

"Rona Thorne," Lana added. "Slater."

"That idiot who sold Sterling that stupid car of his," Mallory added. "And just for the hell of it Trudy Beekman."

"Wow we have a long list of enemies don't we?" Cyril asked. (2)

"Trust me Cyril were fully aware of the fact." Archer said as they reach the building. "Krieger open the door, we need to use your shower!" Archer shouted

"Archer what the hell are you doing." Lanna snapped

"Trying to get Krieger attention." Archer said

"Why not open the door?"

"Cause the door lock LANA!" Archer snapped.

"Oh for the love of- move." Mallory said pushing her son away and pulling out her key.

"Wait i wouldnt-" Cyril said but Mallory put her key in there but shriek as she was mildly shocked "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!"

"I ask Krieger to make this place impenatrable at a certain time so you idiots wouldn't do any of the shit out of hours you did at our old agency." Cyril said

"But Krieger and Cheryl are inside." Ray stated slightly annoyed

"Alright so i wasn't thinking clearly when i made the demands." Cyril

"... You saw Lana and Archer having anger sex somewhere in the building." Ray questioned

"... Maybe."

"Oh well that just great! I haven't gotten any in months now due to Lana obsessing over veronica deane that when i finally got some, Cyril got all jealous and inadvertendly screwed us over!" Archer snapped

"I'm not the one obsessing over her mister I'm obsessed old crones!" Lana snapped

"She's fifty, and unlike other old ladies, she doesn't freaking lie about being fifty for all her birthdays!" Archer snapped

"Why are you looking at me when you say that," Mallory said annoyed

"Can we please focus on how to get in!" Ray snapped "Cause I refuse to walk all the way back home cove in grime!"

"Right, let's try calling Krieger," Lana said pulling out her phone.

* * *

Inside both Cheryl and Krieger were watching Pacific rim, well one of them was

"Oh come on, dinosaur don't have two brains."

"The brachiousaurus does now shut up!" Krieger snapped "I know this is odd coming from a scientist, but not everyone has to be dissected with logic!"

'And another thing. If its seperated from the body wouldn't it be braindead." Cheryl said

"Arrgh! The one time you have to be logical about shit and you chose now to do so!" Krieger snapped

"Stop yelling, your not my supervisor!" Cheryl snapped they argued so loudly neither heard there phine ringing.

* * *

"Ugh, typical." Lana said annoyed. "There not answering their phones."

"Well time for plan b." Archer said

"And that is?" Ray asked

"Ramming it!"

"Nonono!" Cyril cried

"Yaah!" Archer yelled as he slammed into the door. But screamed as he was electrocuted.

'Archer protocol activated." Krieger voice stated

"What does he mean by Archewr protocols?" Ray questioned. he got his answer in the form of what looks like barrel of glue and feathers popped out of the building. "Oh you gotta be kidding me."

(Linebreak)

"Hey do you hear screaming?"

"It's a kaiju vs robot movie! Of course there screaming!" Krieger snapped

"No i mean outside." Cheryl said moving to the windows. "Krieger come quick, a bunch of chicken people are chasing one of there own whose wearing glasses!"

"Oh this i got to see." Krieger said pausing the film as he rush to the window. "Man i wish the other were here to see this cause there missing out!"


End file.
